There was a time in my life, not all that long ago, when I felt I had it all together--in certain areas, any way. These days, I don't quite feel that way... Okay, these days, I feel as if it's all caving in on my head.
I could sit around, shouting at the ceiling "Why? What did I ever do to deserve this?!" However, I know why. I know what is my issue. Now, it is time to get the lead out of my bum, and get a move on with things. I'm tired of feeling as if I don't have things straight, anymore!
So, here are my issues:
- My children actually walk all over me... and my husband. And my mother. And, well, everyone! Why? How about we start with the 'why not'? When I had Jr., I became the disciplinarian of my house hold (eventually, once he needed one). I never had to raise my voice, and nearly never dealt out a spanking, or threatened to deal out a spanking. I could thwart his undesirable behavior with only a look, and the occasional calm word. Then, one day, I found myself a tired single mom, with a baby-daddy who was around just enough for me to think it safe to let my guard down a bit, and baby number two. (As you all know, some things have changed...) I didn't just let my guard slip a little, I totally threw it out the window. Flash forward to present day, when no amount of yelling or threatening to spank them will get my boys to listen; where it takes multiple spankings (little pops on a diaper or the leg, nothing that leaves a mark or really hurts) just to get them to act as if I've said something. I seriously need to get back to the way things were.
How will I do this, you may ask. Well, simple. I'm going to spend more time with my children. You know, more hugs, and inside jokes, and secret hand shakes. More "secrets," and more patience. More quiet, "look at me when I'm talking to you, son." More, "Look in my eyes, and tell me if you understand what I've just said." A lot more, "You have a choice. You may clean up this mess, and then go outside, or I'll make sure you clean up the mess, and you won't get to go outside."
My OTHER problem is that my house work has gotten out of hand. I'm just not motivated, these days. Of course, part of my motivational issues may stem from feeling like a door mat for my children. Notice I said part, not all of the issues. The rest is just that I feel as if I'm in a rut (which, I kinda am), and I'm having a little trouble pulling myself out of it all.
It's okay, because I'm slowly getting myself to take action. Baby steps will work, until I get going down hill. Once I get a few things completed, or get on a time crunch (I've invited people over for Father's Day on purpose... Now, I have to get my house work done, and I've a deadline), I'll whip into action and pull myself up by the boot straps. Then, it should be fairly easy to stay on top of it all (until I get sick again, or we have another family crisis/mini-family crisis).
Yep, I'm going to be alright. I'm going to conquer my demons, and then move on to the next ones that need conquering. Why? Because I'm amazing like that!
Now for the rant portion of my post:
***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***RANT ON***
So, I hate that we pay for health insurance that doesn't cover squat! Every year, since I was nineteen years old, I've gotten Tonsillitis/Strep Throat/bronchitis anywhere from twice to five times. And some of those times, I didn't have insurance. So, now I've accumulated hospital bills that I've got to pay some time before I kick the bucket. Also, I've scared tonsils, and have been informed "wow, those [my tonsils] need to come out!" by three doctors in the last six months. However, the insurance is holding me responsible for 30% of the bill, along with $500... Which means I've got to pay a thousand bucks to get the tonsils out. I just want to know, what the hell are we paying $516/month for? A little plastic card that says Aetna on it gets us in the door, but only if we don't need anything more than a doctor's appointment. What's the deal?
Also, they didn't cover my MRI (which proved I do, indeed, have a slipped disc), and will not cover the dental work that I need done. What DOES that stupid insurance cover? I mean, if I were healthy, I wouldn't need it, but it would pay for as many "just check ups" as I wanted. Let there be a real medical reason that I need coverage, and I have to pay a butt load of money out-of-pocket.
On top of all that, I can't get coverage with BCBS because I'm 17 lbs over their "limit." They won't write a policy on me. So, let me get this straight, I've one company that (probably) won't cover for me to see a dietitian who can help me get healthy, and there's another one that won't cover me at all because I need to see a dietitian. WHAT THE Foul-word?!!
**RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**OFF***RANT**
Well, I've gotten a lot done in this post! I mentally motivated myself, and left evidence of that motivation so that I can do it all again (read it, feel motivated) any time I need a boost. I got a rant that's been bothering me for months, off my chest. And now, I'm going to get t' gettin'!
Victoria
